Emotional challenges faced by families and friends of inmates

When someone is sent to prison, their family and close friends are often left behind to deal with the emotional and practical consequences. These challenges are complex, long-lasting, and deeply personal. For those on the outside, imprisonment becomes a daily reality that reshapes relationships, mental health, finances, and social identity. Below is a breakdown of the most common emotional challenges faced by families and friends of incarcerated individuals.

Grief without closure

The incarceration of a loved one often feels like a kind of living loss. While the person is still alive, their absence in everyday life—at the dinner table, on holidays, or during important life moments—creates a void. This grief is complicated by the fact that society doesn’t recognize it in the same way it recognizes other types of loss. There are no rituals, no sympathy cards, and often no safe spaces to talk about the pain.

The weight of stigma

One of the biggest emotional burdens is the stigma attached to incarceration. Many families feel judged, ostracized, or even blamed for their loved one’s actions. Parents, siblings, or partners may be hesitant to share the truth, leading to isolation. Children are especially vulnerable to bullying or exclusion at school. The pressure to keep the situation secret can make the emotional toll even heavier.

Guilt and self blame

Guilt is common, especially for close family members. Parents might question their upbringing, partners may wonder if they could have prevented it, and friends might feel they failed to intervene. These thoughts, though often irrational, are persistent and emotionally draining. Even if they logically know they’re not at fault, many struggle with the weight of "what if?"

The mental load of visiting a prisom

Prison visits are emotionally taxing. The process of booking visits, passing security checks, and navigating prison rules is stressful on its own. Then there’s the emotional strain of seeing a loved one in prison clothing, under surveillance, often limited to short, controlled interactions. Add long travel times and childcare arrangements, and it becomes a recurring source of anxiety and emotional fatigue.

Disrupted communication and loneliness

Families can’t just pick up the phone and call. Instead, they wait for calls that may not come, due to time limits, missed slots, or lack of phone credit. Even when calls happen, conversations are often short, monitored, and emotionally unsatisfying. This limited communication creates a sense of disconnection and helplessness, particularly in times of crisis or emotional need.

Emotional impact on children

Families can’t just pick up the phone and call. Instead, they wait for calls that may not come, due to time limits, missed slots, or lack of phone credit. Even when calls happen, conversations are often short, monitored, and emotionally unsatisfying. This limited communication creates a sense of disconnection and helplessness, particularly in times of crisis or emotional need.

Strains on relationships

Romantic relationships are heavily impacted by imprisonment. Physical absence, lack of intimacy, and uncertain timelines all strain the emotional connection. Some partners stay committed, while others drift apart. For those who remain, there’s often a mix of loyalty, loneliness, and emotional exhaustion. Maintaining a relationship becomes an act of endurance.

A lack of control of the situation

Families often feel shut out of the prison system. If something goes wrong—an illness, a fight, a transfer—they may be the last to know. Even getting answers from the prison can be difficult. This feeling of powerlessness creates chronic stress and frustration, especially when loved ones are vulnerable or in distress and families can do little to help.

Financial and emotional stress

Supporting someone in prison is expensive. Families may need to send money, pay for transport, book accommodation near the prison, and handle legal fees. At the same time, they might be losing the income the incarcerated person once provided. This financial pressure can increase anxiety and create conflict within households already under strain.

Emotional burn out

For families dealing with long-term sentences, emotional fatigue becomes a real issue. Over time, the initial surge of support and contact can fade. Friends drift away, routines take over, and hope becomes harder to sustain. There’s a constant tension between trying to live life and not wanting to move on without the person in prison. This long-term emotional balancing act wears people down.

Strength of community and support

Families can’t just pick up the phone and call. Instead, they wait for calls that may not come, due to time limits, missed slots, or lack of phone credit. Even when calls happen, conversations are often short, monitored, and emotionally unsatisfying. This limited communication creates a sense of disconnection and helplessness, particularly in times of crisis or emotional need.

Compassion and resource

What families need most is understanding. Society must stop punishing families for someone else’s incarceration. Mental health support should be easier to access. Phone calls should be cheaper and more frequent. Visits should be less intimidating. Schools, employers, and social services should be trained to respond with sensitivity, not judgment.

If you're dealing with the emotional strain of having a loved one in prison, you don’t have to go through it alone. There are communities and resources built to support you. A good place to start is our Facebook group Call from Prison, where families and friends share experiences, advice, and encouragement. It’s a private space to connect with people who understand what you're going through. You can also visit our Useful Resources page for information on support services, helplines, and organizations that can help you navigate prison life, cope with emotional stress, and stay connected to your loved one. Reaching out for support isn’t a weakness—it’s a step toward managing the challenges you're facing.